Although HJNTIY is subtitled The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, the book neither explains nor apologizes for men's behavior. Its picture of men is almost entirely one-dimensional: the only question asked about a man's role in a relationship is whether or not he's immediately and fully accessible, or at least if he appears to be so. The question of why he behaves as he does is off-limits. This serves to inculcate in women the desirability of the stereotypical alpha male: aggressive, smooth-talking, immediately expressive, and therefore attractive. HJNTIY never engages with the notion that said man may be able to be those things precisely because he's playing a role, putting on an act.
In fact, the book's primary mission seems to be softening women up so that the bad boys to whom the book's demographic are drawn (or so its authors imply) can continue unimpeded and untroubled. He's calling you, he's having sex with you, he's not married? Grab him, fast! He's stopped calling you, he's not sure he wants to marry you, he's having sex with someone else? Just drop him and get on with your life. As Greg writes, "Always be classy. Never be crazy." This means don't call him; don't ask him to come back; don't ask what's changed or what's gotten into him; don't try to find out if he moved back in with his previous girlfriend. Just move on and, in Greg's words, "Don't waste the pretty." If all women took this advice, men could do as they pleased with virtually no repercussions.
The book takes pains to keep its readers from questioning their own role in relationships. Is he not making the first move because he's just not that into you? Or is it because you're sending mixed signals? Always the first, never the second. Disguised as 'liberation,' the book espouses an astoundingly passive role for women in relationships: always the pursued, never the pursuer. And like an abusive relationship, the book's tone alternates between bullying and coddling. "Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk," Greg exhorts; but also, "You are an excellent, foxy human being worthy of love, and the only way you can pursue that idea is by honoring yourself." Liz, the toady, coos that it is difficult, but Greg is only saying this because he wants what is best for you. He's only browbeating you because he loves you.
Complaining about the prose style of He's Just Not Into You would be pointless. Its conversational tone is breezy and readable enough, though too smug and too cute. Devoid of insight and apparently unaware of that fact, HJNTIY is as simple-minded and as useless as dating advice gets.
Complaining about the prose style of He's Just Not Into You would be pointless. Its conversational tone is breezy and readable enough, though too smug and too cute. Devoid of insight and apparently unaware of that fact, HJNTIY is as simple-minded and as useless as dating advice gets.
